Some brief snippets of conversation that have occurred in and around work lately and made me laugh (I'm too tired to write my own material today, sorry):
Tim: (randomly, at lunch) I have 50 cents!
Me: I have two boobies.
Me: (while driving around with Mary and Rob looking at Christmas lights) Look! There's a Santa on the roof! And one in the yard. Which makes no sense.
Rob: I always knew he was duplicitous.
Mary: Hey, wanna go see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy with Amber and me?
Dennis: I can't see voodoo; I'm Catholic.
Me: I need some chocolate.
Bia: (pointedly looking at my ass) Oh, no you don't!
Me: Kristen loves her mom.
Mary: Kristen's mom's a whore.
Me: She loves me anyway.
Rob: Yeah, everyone loves Kristen's mom.
Bia: You should talk to me more. I like it when you talk.
Mary: But you always tell me to shut up.
Bia: It's out of love.
Tim: Well, it's almost 5:00 on Friday and all yous are gonna see is the back of my heels walking out the door.
Me: The back of your heels? Will the rest of you be covered in a shroud?
Ticket scalper outside yesterday's Browns game: Who needs two upset tickets?
Mary: Did he just say "upset tickets"?
Me: I think he did. Those must not be for today's game. Those would be called "about to get our asses handed to us" tickets.
Me: How's that OCD treating you?
Mary: I have to go check...everything. And then die.
(Mary bought a magnet at HOB that reads "Be Nice or Leave" and hung it in her workspace)
Dennis: What's with the sign?
Mary: It's instructional.