I went over to Mary's desk to complain about having writers block. I feel guilty when I don't post something for you guys every day, because I know how I feel when my favorite bloggers don't post every day. So I went to see Mary, in an attempt to dig up some inspiration. She glanced up as I came around the corner, looking guilty as hell. Immediately Bianca showed up behind me. "Have you seen your blog today?" she asked, grinning wickedly.
I looked at Mary. "Did you post a comment?" She grinned maniacally.
I have been BEGGING her to comment on my blog since I started it. I've dropped hints, both subtle ("What do you think of my post?") and not so subtle ("Why don't you ever leave any fucking comments on my blog? Some best friend YOU are!!!"). I've tried complimenting her ("I'm so much funnier when you're around, you make everything funnier.") and insulting her ("Only assholes read people's blogs every day and never say a damn thing about them.") I've tried reverse psychology ("Please don't leave any comments for me. Ever.") and heavy guilt-trips ("It's so OBVIOUS that you don't love me, because if you DID, you'd leave a comment for me on my BLOG! *sob*"). Nothing ever worked. Until today.
The look on her face spoke volumes and I ran, nay, skipped back to my desk to go read what my loving and wonderful best friend had to say. I was ecstatic - she loves me after all, even after our whirlwind trip to Chicago where I made her stay out all night, spend lots of money, and got her stuck in a frikkin blizzard for 3 hours on the way home. I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world that I have someone as wonderful as Mary in my life. In fact, I don't know how I survived 26 years without her amazing personality and pleasant companionship. She is miraculous! I pulled up the comments.
"Today Amber bought Chipotle, and she didn't even ask if the rest of us wanted any."
Fuck-knocker.
I waited all that time, and all she wanted to do was bitch and try to make me look bad in front of my readers (all 4 of them)? Nice. It was 12:35 when I got to Chipotle's, everyone had already gotten their lunch. Plus I barely had any cash because it's Irresponsible Spending Month. AND it wasn't even what I wanted, I had a taste for Boston Market but the line was too long. AND the only reason I was even over there was because I had to go to the crazy doctor and get more crazy drugs before my life spins all the way out of control. But do I get any sympathy from my supposed "best friend"? NOOOOOOOOO. And SHE is in the least position to be complaining since she drank like a fish all weekend for FREE just by virtue of having shown up with me. This is the thanks I get.
Well two can play at this game, so guess what? My next post is going to be all about Mary. Yeah that's right M-Jaq, I'm going to get your strumpet-ass.
Stay tuned.
7 comments:
Well, not EVERYONE had gotten their lunch yet. Someone I know was waiting on her best friend to go to Susy's. You don't know everything.
Don't EVEN think you're getting out of this by trying to guilt trip me. That little incident with the whole "Where should I keep these back-up tapes for the job that I STOLE from you" was the last straw. Never piss off someone with a blog. By the way, I licked one of your pens when you weren't looking. Good luck guessing which one. Paybacks are a bitch.
Why don't you just go back to your home on whore island?
I'm bored...
So when are you going to post about your adventure in Chicago. State Street, what a great street.
... oh, and I am hungry!!!
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