Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Amberance: Always Trying to Help Others

Me: I still think we should have Mystery Girl on the show.

MrSteve: Why are you trying to make my life more difficult?

Me: I'm not! I'm trying to make your life more hilarious.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

May The Cake Be With You

My birthday, of course, was fabulous because by default my birthday is simply a fabulous day. But it was also good because I made everyone pay attention to me and wear stupid party hats. Also because I could finally unveil the great cake. Behold, the Death Star Birthday Cake:

That's no moon.

I had originally planned to have a more exacting replica by icing it with fondant, until I realized that fondant sucks, as was perfectly summed up in this conversation with Mrs. Sizemore:

Mrs. Sizemore: hallo miss lady
how was your bday?

me: It was great. Except here's what I learned:
Fondant? I hate fondant.

Mrs. Sizemore: ooo
fondant is a bitch
and it does not taste good
it's like an ugly chick that doesn't put out

Of course, since I am me, I could not simply settle for one awesome Death Star cake with delicious delicious buttercream frosting. I had to flank it with images of an intergalactic war:

For the non-nerds: TIE fighters, Death Star, x-wing fighter.

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good piping bag at your side, kid. The epic battle between good and evil is deliciously sugary and goes great with milk.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Which do you think is the greater tragedy: That we have lost the great Ricardo Montalban, or that this article does not even mention his greatest role ever?

Friday, January 09, 2009

My Birthday

I would be remiss if I didn't remind all my readers that Monday is my birthday. Particularly since I have been reminding all of my friends. Multiple times a day. Sometimes repeatedly in one conversation. My birthday. Monday. I'm still unclear as to why this major event is not a national holiday. My birthday, that is. Which is on Monday.

I have already begun the awesomeness (which will culminate on Monday in the form of my birthday) by:
  • Buying myself the most freaking fantastic computer game ever created in the history of mankind (Shiv and Lemon does not qualify as it has never actually been created), which is called Crayon Physics Deluxe. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for this game to finally come out and suddenly this week there it was. They must have known that my birthday is this coming Monday. Check it out. It is more addictive than Tetris and Sudoku combined, for serious.
  • Planning out the most bitchin' birthday cake in the history of mankind. I don't want to ruin the surprise though, so check back some time after my birthday (Monday) for the sure to be stunning photographs of the most awesome cake of all time.
So, to recap: My birthday is Monday, and it will be glorious.

Amberance: Insufferable Know-It-All

Watching the Blackhawks game, in which someone has just been punched in the face

The agent: Oh my god! Look how much he's bleeding!
me: I'm sure it looks worse than it is. The face has a lot of capillaries, so it tends to bl-
The agent: Shut up, nerd.

I Don't Like His Scotch Either

MrSteve: Here, try my Absolut Citron martini with a lemon twist.
me: No way.
MrSteve: Just try it, it's lemony!
me: (sip, pause) This tastes like a Wet Nap.

Monday, January 05, 2009

The Perils of Dating

The agent: What's that Prince song? Little Pink Cadillac?
Me: (silent, horrified stare)
The agent: Wait, no. It's Little Red Corvette, right?
Me: Oh my god.