My Last Office Christmas Party

And so it was, that on December 15th, 2004 I attended my last holiday luncheon here at my firm. And it was good. Maybe a little too good.

We started the afternoon by indulging in a little vino. I believe I mentioned in an earlier post about the Yankee swap. The gifts were layed out on a table off to the side. Several of us were standing there, attempting to divine their contents when the CEO came ambling by. "Did we all stick to the $75 limit this year?" he joked, as the limit was only recently increased to $25 from $20 the prior year. In the spirit of my impending departure I said, "Yeah right. As soon as I get that 75% raise." Probably a little out of line, but what the hell.

This was followed by the getting to know you game I had complained of earlier. It turned out to be fairly entertaining. Everyone's "fact" was listed on a sheet of paper and you had to go around interviewing people about themselves without asking any direct questions to try to match up the people with the fact. I spent most of my time copying other people's answers, and still only got 6 right, most of those being things that I already actually knew. But I did learn that the FNG partied with Keith Richards in Germany, so that was pretty cool.

We took the group picture, which I was very surprised at being invited to join in. Had I but known I would very much have worn a dress. And make up. Mary wore both and looked quite fetching, but per her usual routine she tried to hide behind a pole anyway.

We sat down to lunch. I am now on my third glass of wine, when one will usually do me. Hence I was more than a little amused by the corner of my menu, which read "Today's Beautiful Soup". Likewise, it didn't take much cajoling from Bia and Mary to get me to sing "All I Want For Christmas is You" at the table in front of everyone. It was well received.

After the show broke up, most of us headed down the street to the Treehouse, so called for the large tree that holds court behind the bar. Much hilarity ensued when Bia couldn't figure out how to light my cigarette and somehow between the two of us we broke it. While demonstrating how it was broken for Mary, I went to lean on Bia, who stepped away from me. I was surprised to suddenly find myself on the floor of the bar rather than on the bar stool where I had been only moments before. I'm pretty sure the only person who didn't see me fall was...me.

Finally I hauled my drunk ass home and stumbled up the stairs and into my bed. Kristen, who always sleeps with me, wouldn't come by me for some reason (because I reeked like a brewery perhaps?) even though I drunkenly called to her for 20 minutes and sang her song over and over ("Kitty meow meow meow, meowmeowmeow..."). So I got up and tried to grab her, but she (wisely) ran away. Finally I got out a bunch of kitty treats and put them all around my pillows in the bed to try and trick her into coming up there, and then promptly passed out. When I came to Kristen was snuggled up to me and the cat treats were gone. And I'm pretty sure that she ate them and not me.

I've been at work today for 5 hours, and yet I don't seem to have gotten anything done...