Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Little Known Fact

Every year at my company we have a holiday outing. We used to go out for a fancy dinner, but a couple years ago when the budget was tightened we changed it to lunch. This actually works out better because since we all imbibe alcohol at these events, we are not required to go back to work that day. At these events there are a number of activities. The standard one is a Yankee swap gift exchange, which is very popular. Every year we forget how to do it and every year we make Dennis stand up and re-explain the rules. Other activities have varied in the past, from "Match the Team Member with their Baby Picture" to the CEO dressing up as Santa and reciting a poem he wrote making fun of everyone (it was surprisingly funny).

This year, the activity is "Getting to Know You." Our task is to come up with a fact that no one here knows about us and e-mail it to Chris, the party organizer. She will then compile the list and at the party we will try to guess who said what.

Anyone see the problem here? If it's not obvious to you already, I can't shut up about anything. I can't think of a single thing, not ONE, that at least five people here don't know about me. I have been combing through my life for a week now trying to come up with something. One thing that I thought would be a funny little known fact about me would be to make that my resignation. Picture it: room full of stunned employees trying to guess who goes with the little known fact of "I quit." But alas, I ruined that by resigning the proper way. But that got me thinking that what I'd really like to do is come up with something that would be funny for me, and maybe Mary, but totally uncomfortable for everyone else. I delight in other people's discomfort. It wouldn't have to even be something that nobody knows, just something that would startle everyone out of their revelry. Some possible candidates I've come up with:

I like pie.
I showered today.
My mom's dead.
The voices made me do it.
My dad is the mailman.
I killed my cactus through overwatering.
I eat paste.
I'm a Branch Davidian.
My ovary hurts.

Are they gonna miss me or what?!?

5 comments:

Eric said...

Why don't you tell them you let the entire blogging world know you were quiting well before you let them know? That should help them get over your departure.

Sliver said...

"I'm pregnant." - Always works wonders. I did this at one of our meetings a few years ago (when I wasn't), and I got just the reaction I was looking for.

H said...

Here are some things I remember from being in college with Amber:

-Amber's nickname is Cross-Stitch Bitch (hmm, maybe everyone does know that)
-Her college boyfriend once asked her if girls pee orange when they're on their periods

I will think of more. Oh yes, I will think of more.

Anonymous said...

Can you people get any nastier than that?
Disgusting!!!!!!!!!

amberance said...

Actually, we can. In college, Heather initiated a "who can write the most disgusting haiku poem" contest via e-mail. That is how we ended up penning phrases like "vaginal blood fart" and "bleeding anus diaper". I think her brother Eric won. He can be pretty frikkin gross if I recollect correctly.