Thursday, November 22, 2012

Things I Learned This Thanksgiving

1. My least favorite knife to cut myself with while cooking is a serrated bread knife.
2. The Jets suck even worse than I thought, and I thought they sucked giant purple donkey balls.
3. Eating 900 pounds of food makes me too tired to get drunk. I'll do it tomorrow.
4. Getting drunk is a weird chore anyway.
5. Jason Bourne is delicious.


Webbo said...

You would think that not cutting yourself with a knife would be a really easy thing to do, in the same way that it's easy to avoid punching yourself in the face or involuntarily throwing yourself off of a bridge. And yet, somehow, it's not that simple. There's a design flaw in there somewhere. Evolution needs to step in at some point and stop us doing this kind of stupid shit to ourselves. Paper cuts can fuck off too.

Laura Mary said...

Argh! Serrated knives are the devil. Worst cut I ever got was from a tomato knife… I still wince at the memory of it…the change in texture as I went from cutting tomato to cutting flesh…

Anonymous said...

Regazza Patza,
Eating way too much food at the Thanksgiving Feast also replaced getting drunk at all during dinner.
I would have preferred the drunkenness and hangover over the bloated belly which resulted.
Tonight(and the entire weekend) sounds like a good time to make up with ingestion of many libations.

Jen Summers said...

Getting drunk is never a chore. It is crutch to get you through writing the next recap. For me, it's reality TV show recaps. For you, it's Fifty Shades of Fuck All Humanity.


Also the fucking captcha (is that th word) thing we're subjected to in order to post a comment on your blog is INSANE. None of these words make any sense. Am I taking a test? I feel like I'm testing a test.

rooorcfac 221? Is that it? It looks like it, but it tells me I am WRONG. I can't handle tests past midnight, I didn't even STUDY for this, argh, help.