Thursday, November 08, 2012

And So It Begins.

Tonight is the night I start reading Fifty Shades Freed. I haven't even opened it yet and it's already annoying in that its title doesn't lend itself nearly as well to clever wordplay as her first two titles. H-Town has had more than enough, and to date I have found precisely NO ONE willing to help me get through this project which in no way surprises me. So it appears I'll be mostly going back to the original format of me writing reviews that are nearly as long as the stupid book but with much better swearing. I was going to read it at the bar tonight, but in the interest of feeling less alone in this endeavor, I think I am going to wait until I get home and then record myself reading it. Not out loud, just to myself, so that you guys can all watch the rage overtake me and see the kind of tortured monster faces this book forces me to make.

Someone posted in the comments to the last review that they'd heard James is planning both a fourth novel to the series and another series that is the same exact bullshit but from Christian's point of view. As painfully fucking bad as this sounds, if she does do that, I would be interested in how she's going to write in Christian's voice in a way that makes him seem at all like a sympathetic character and not a jealous unstable control freak who can't recognize flaws in any of his behaviors that actually are terrible, but believes an interest in kink is the part that makes him a monster. I'd also like Christian to explain to me how in THE FUCK he finds anything interesting or clever or intelligent about Ana's personality, or why he'd want her for anything other than cum dumpster. My prediction is she won't be able to effectively do either of those things, and that as much as I feel the trilogy we have now are the worst books ever written, the Christian books will be a whole new world of pain. Let's just hope that her work ethic is as fucking terrible as her writing and she never gets around to it.

11 comments:

Jen Summers said...

I'LL REVIEW IT WITH YOU :D

I've already read it, I already hate it (http://luckbloodglitter.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/fuck-you-50-shades.html) but I'll do it with you if you want someone to share the utter misery with.

Chuck me a line if you're interested: moxieswagger@gmail.com

:D

Kate said...

Why is the title of this one "Fifty Shades Freed" anyway? It sounds ridiculous and doesn't make any grammatical sense. It's like she ran out of puns after only two books and decided to just stick a random word on the end of her established title pattern instead.
I can pull a title that fits the pattern out of my arse - "Fifty Shades Lighter".

Tim said...

I actually liked the original format better even though you had no one to share the pain. So Thank you for brightening my days with the absolute tear you go on with these things. Condolences for no one to share the pain and sorry you lone pain entertains me more.

Mad Rambling Lady said...

If it makes you feel any better, your reviews have sufficiently satisfied my curiosity with the phenomenon, and appear to be an altogether more intelligent and entertaining read than the source material - so THANK YOU! You are making a difference.

My deepest sympathies for putting yourself through another volume of this nonsense though.

Shouri said...

I have no idea where they found this, but if it's true, it's as cringing as you imagine it: http://read50shadesofgrey.blogspot.com.ar/2012/09/bonus-meet-fifty-shades.html

carlav02 said...

Yay! My inner goddess is doing the macarena. You're quite the trooper.

Jenny said...

I would happily review it with you if I thought I could be half as funny as you and H-town...good luck with it!

Anonymous said...

Nooooooo H-Town!!!! COME BACK PLEASE!! I'll pay you!!!

Throbbe said...

The thing that both perplexes and terrifies me is that I now see lots of other books appearing which are clearly half arsed attempts to cash in on the popularity of 50 Shades, and given how these things usually work, they will be even worse than the original.

Think about that for a minute.

Then find somewhere quiet to weep for humanity.

Lisa Lovatt said...

As someone who had read the trilogy all I can say is good luck. I know the world of pain you are entering, it will not be pretty but there is hope on the other side. It is true the third is the worst of them all.

This trilogy made me wish that I wasn't one of those who had to see everything through to its conclusion once I've started.

Tami said...

I don't know if anyone told you that EL James wrote a couple of chapters from Christian's point of view. They're at the end of Freed and they're awful. God help you woman.