Thursday, January 27, 2005

Party (In My Pants)

The wife of a friend of mine is having a pure romance party next weekend. I am pumped (figuratively. At least for now). I am embarrassed to admit that my grown up girl toy box is practically empty. One lonely personal appliance populates the bottom drawer of my nightstand. Six packs of AA batteries populate the top drawer (some of them are for the TV remote, you sickos). I've had it just about for-EV-er, or so it seems, and being a girl with a short attention span I am REALLY bored with it. I am SO EXCITED at the chance to rectify this gross injustice by purchasing for myself an arsenal in one fell swoop. On the must have list, as reported to Timmy at lunch late last week:
  • Something that goes
  • Something that doesn't go
  • Something that is waterproof
  • Flavored lube
Timmy wanted to know: why the flavored lube? Eh, something different. I think it would be cool just to be able to say I have some. It's a good pick up line: "Hi! My name's Amber. I own flavored lube. What's your name?" See? You'd talk to me, wouldn't you?
I am also very much looking forward to another of the planned party activities: lap dancing lessons. Unfortunately for me, not from a live girl. I guess you can't win all the time. We'll be watching some videos. But I plan to be a very attentive student and take copious notes.
Also, my friend will be making sandwiches for us girls before he leaves. He claims he's going to go watch some WWII movie, but I suspect he's really going to go get a ladder from the garage and spy on us through the window.
I'm busting - I can hardly wait.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

The movie is "The Big Red One" with the scenes that were removed from the original release restrored. As much as you are looking forward, so am I. And it's Cleveland a little cold to be hanging outside on a ladder looking in a seconds story window.

amberance said...

Whatever turns you on dude.

Anonymous said...

I went to one of these in Virginia - had it in the dorm. No males were allowed . . . although it is legal in VA to sell the toys, once a male appears, apparently that is when the line is drawn in the sand and it becomes illegal to sell or display wares.

amberance said...

That seems patently unfair somehow.

Eric said...

Aren't there more witty, horny bastards who want to post something about this?

I haven't had a chance to check out the website yet, but surely someone is lounging around at home and can make recommendations.

Pronto said...

Well.... where should I start????????

From what I've heard, you should probably stay away (far, far away) from the eight-D-Cell, black anodized "Night Watchman" model, but I profess that I haven't had a lot of experience with devices such as this. Besides, I hear that once you've had black, you won't go back........

Alternatively, I've heard that devices that writhe, wiggle and rotate tend to result in identical movements by the user. Now that can't be all bad !

In either case, I'll wait in eager anticipation for all the gory details...... :0)

amberance said...

Pronto - WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? I was worried...

Eric said...

I told you, it was all those exploding head posts.

tony93637 said...

Amber I've been a lurker for some time... I just can't resist this one. Especially seeing Eric asking the guys to post on this one. I hope you "O" til your -whatever- delight after (or during) the party, but be careful... don't chip a tooth on the hard plastic :P yes, I'm one of those sickos mama warned you about;)

amberance said...

Don't worry about me; I'm very careful about keeping my teeth away from the things I put in my mouth...