"She's like a Pez for non sequiturs."
Solution 1: Drink more, thereby killing many brain cells. Hope this lowers your i.q. enough to find a husband.Solution 2: Make enough money so you can buy a husband.Solution 3: Tell all your friends you got married to a russian water polo player in Las Vegas over a long weekend, but sadly on your way back to Chicago he was deported. Later, tell them he must have knocked you up. You then disappear and several months re-appear with a child adopted from russia. When asked why s/he looks 3 years old say s/he's only a few months old, but that the 1986 Chernobyl disaster affected the turnips her/his dad ate and now you have an nuclear-developed infant.
I'm thinking maybe I should just get a few concubines? A cat for the love and some concubines for the sex. That oughta do it, right? And I have the cat already, so I'm halfway there.
You're only 1/4 of the way there if you want a few concubines.
Damn. In that case, I like option 2.
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