Nothing is better at getting me up and moving in the morning than a 5:00 am phone call from the bartender. Not because of the jarring sound of the phone ringing at 5:00 am, but because he always manages to say something completely weird, completely crass, completely off-topic, or some combination of the three.
Today we got on the topic of his well developed picking-fights-with-people-bigger-than-him skills. The bartender is kind of little. If you include the two inches added to his height by the great uprush of spikey hair, he tops out at about 5'7" or so. "I know I'm little and I kind of look like a wuss, but I'm really pretty scrappy," he informed me.
"You don't look like a wuss at all. Actually, you look a lot bigger than you really are. I think it's because of the way you carry yourself. Something in your attitude makes you seem much taller than you are."
"That," he stated matter-of-factly, "is because I have a huge dick."