Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Amber's Birthday Wish List!

The owner (of Tai's) called me last night while I was on my way home from work. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Well hi there.
Owner: What's up, man? (he calls everyone "man'.)
Me: Nothing. Where you at?
Owner: I'm sitting on the beach. (fucker's in Hawaii.) Where are you?
Me: Fuck you. On the train.
Owner: That's sort of the same. (he's also a sarcastic little shit.)
Me: Kind of. Except I'm wearing a coat, and I bet you're not.
Owner: Nope. It's 83 degrees here. (asshole.)
Me: Asshole. Is this the point of your call? To remind me that you're in Hawaii and I'm not and be a dick about it?
Owner: Well, not entirely, but yeah, that's the main reason. (see?) Seriously, though, what are you doing Wednesday?
Me: Working. I'll be home by 6. Why?
Owner: I was thinking maybe Wednesday night I could pick you and your paint brush up and we could go out. (for paint.)
Me: That could work. I'll call you. I can't actually do any painting on Wednesday though, I have to work in the morning. But I'm off Friday AND Monday. I could paint then.
Owner: Oh don't worry, we'll be spending plenty of time together in the next couple weeks. (Tai's has been closed since the day after Christmas. The owner is remodeling the entire back room, which is the room we are discussing having me paint. The work has been going on while the owner is vacationing in Hawaii. They are scheduled to open up again on Wednesday night, though there is some doubt about the work being done by then, which makes me nervous.)
Me: Are you really going to be open by Thursday?
Owner: Oh, yeah. We have to be, it's your birthday! (Yay! He remembered! Probably because I've been threatening him about being open on my birthday since Halloween.)
Me: You remembered!
Owner: I've been telling the workers they have to speed it up, because it's very important that we're ready to open by your birthday. I won't have it another way. (ok, now he's just mocking me.)
Me: Alright, I can't tell how made up that is, but I'm going to choose to believe you because it's sweet of you.
Owner: Isn't it? (such a dick sometimes.)

Anyway, the point of that story is that it seems likely Tai's will be open for my birthday as I'd hoped. Which means the first item on my birthday wish list has come true! In the event you've waited until the last minute to pick up a gift for my birthday (which, to recap, is Thursday), here is a list of things that would be appreciated:


  1. A new roommate. Specifically the bartender, who has been planning a possible move into my storage room since early October, but so far has moved only a set of mixing bowls, some pots and pans, a few kitchen utensils and his golf clubs. If I can't get the whole roommate, I'd like to at least receive
  2. His shower curtain. The first time I was ever at the bartender's place, the first thing I noticed was his shower curtain. It is made up entirely of 2 inch tall pictures of old Playboy covers. Oh, it is so very, very cool. He took it down months ago, since his current roommate couldn't seem to learn to keep the curtain closed so as to prevent mold. They are now using a plain black curtain instead. I know he still has the Playboy one. I vote it should be the next object he moves.
  3. In addition to Tai's being open, I would like for all my Chicago friends to show up (Dave, I can't believe you. Your choices are my birthday party or a play and you chose the play? Is Keri in on this slap in the face as well? You guys are dead to me.) I'm baking a cake and everything.
  4. Surrounded by my loving entourage, I would like for my birthday party to turn out better than last year.
  5. Lots of blog comments. Especially from the two funniest bloggers I know: Heather and Jennie Smash. I have, like, the worst writer's crush on Jennie Smash. I mean, she is so cool she actually has cough syrup delivered. Mmm, cough syrupy Jennie Smash comments...
  6. Giant dildos are, of course, always appreciated.
  7. And I could use a digital camera, at least on loan, so my buddy Daniel can have a peek at my melons.
  8. Ass-less chaps.

5 comments:

Pablo said...

I was wondering what was up when we attempted to go to Tai's on Saturday and it was closed! I thought the world was ending! Little did I know that they were just prepping for your party! ;)

I'll be there, and don't you worry, digital pics will be taken! And, coincidentally, birthday cake one of my preffered payments!

Hot Heather said...

i wish i had money to buy you SOMETHING!! but i'm broke... but next year i'll go all out... if i'm not broke...

mrsteve said...

Pretty good characterization of "the owner" there. I've several phone calls of the same ilk with him.

As for tomorrow night - I will try to make it, but I might have to work late. If I am there, however, I'm afraid there will be no mrsteve. He got out for the night just before Christmas, and that's the last we'll see of him for a while.

At least until Vegas, that is. There are cab drivers to be threatened, after all.

amberance said...

Pablo, you're my hero! Will you also kick Dave in the nuts for me? I'll give you an extra piece of cake!

HH, you don't need to buy me anything silly girl. Just drink with me!

steve, you will try to make it? TRY to make it? It's my BIRTHDAY for crying out loud! You will be there, even if you're late, and you will drag Gene with you whether he likes it or not! Or, you know, I'll just cry a lot and drunk dial you crying.

Quit getting me excited about Vegas until I know for sure that I'm going!

Jennie Smash said...

Heh. I love that I'm getting coolness points for being too lazy to fetch my own cough syrup. Happy birthday!