Monday, January 23, 2006

Bathroom Mysteries

I'm having issues in my bathroom right now. One is an intriguing garbage can finding; the other has to do with my being a complete moron.

Saturday morning I got up at 3 a.m. to take a shower so I could be at Tai's to start painting by 4:30 (I am very serious about my work). I groggily got up, crashed into the door frame to my bedroom (as I do), and staggered through the dining room and kitchen and into the bathroom to get ready. It was when I went to throw a tissue into the trash can that I saw it: a mysterious twig was poking up out of the can. My brain slowly worked this over: Where did this twig come from? I didn't recall putting a twig in the garbage can. I decided maybe I had better get myself fully conscious before I sprained something thinking about it, so I jumped in the shower.

Now awake (also clean and naked), I got out of the shower to find that there was still a twig in my garbage can. I went back over my movements for the last few days, and found none that involved placing a twig in my garbage can. I started going over other options.

Option 1: Kristen put it there. There are several problems with this theory. For one thing, Kristen does not go outside so she'd have trouble getting her little paws on a twig to begin with. I'm sure she could have found it in the house if I tracked it in there somehow, but I don't really think so. Also, being that she's a cat and all, she doesn't have opposable thumbs to grasp a stick and throw it in the trash. True, she could have picked it up in her mouth and dropped it in there, but to do that she'd have to jump up onto the toilet with it and lean over at a weird angle to get it in there. Also, and most importantly, why would Kristen want to put a twig in my garbage can in the first place?

Option 2: The bartender did it. Besides me there are only two others with keys to my apartment, the landlord, and the bartender who happens to also be my catsitter. If the bartender came over while I wasn't home, he could have tracked in a branch that he noticed and threw out while using my bathroom. But the thing is, the bartender would not just show up and use a key to get into my house without telling me. We're in a big fight right now too, so if he had been in there when I wasn't home, I would have expected to find some of his belongings that I'm currently storing to be missing. So probably not the bartender.

Option 3: The landlord. This seems like the least likely, because in order to come in my apartment, the landlord is supposed to call and warn me first. In fact, the few times they've been in there they've never failed to call first.

So I have no explanation for a twig in my garbage can and it is really bothering me. When I talked to MrSteve about it yesterday he was unimpressed. "Fine, but we might be about to invade nuclear facilities in Iran. Don't you think that's maybe a little more important?"

"Well, no, because how does that effect me, Steve? Oh wait! Unless it was Iranian terrorists and they broke in and put a twig in my garbage can. That might be it."

"Right. Why would terrorists break in your house and put a twig in your garbage can, Amber?"

"To fuck with my head! Obviously. And it's working."

Poor Steve, I don't know why he bothers trying to talk to me at all. Anyway, the twig is still in there and it is still bothering me. I need help on this one, folks. What am I missing?

My other problem is that I am unbelievably stupid at practical things. Such as changing the batteries in my Crest Spinbrush. I can't get the damn thing open to get at the batteries. I've tried pushing, pulling, twisting, pulling and twisting, twisting and pushing, squeezing and twisting, pushing and squeezing, and banging it against the sink. The little drawing on the side implies that it should just swing open at one end, but I'm telling you, I tried that and it didn't work. The worst part of this is that I got it open once before because I've changed those batteries once already. I can't figure it out. My toothbrush is going to die if I don't find a solution to this problem soon. Please help me.

7 comments:

DixieBelle8681 said...

I had the same problems with that damn Crest Spinbrush, so I ended up buying a Colgate one which is much easier to open. Not to mention, I could never find the new spinbrush heads and I can always find new ones for the Colgate one. Good luck...

As for the twig, no clue...but kinda freaky....

Hot Heather said...

right so... i totally laughed my ass off at this one BECAUSE i had a twig stuck to my pants when i came over on Thursday and put it in the garbage in the bathroom while i was in there... MYSTERY SOLVED!!! and i wasn't even one of the options which kinda makes me sad...

p.s. i don't like electric toothbrushes so i'm of no use here...

amberance said...

OH MY GOD!!!! I totally did not think of that. I forgot you were in the bathroom (I don't know why, I was in there with you!)

Thanks God, I was really starting to think it was Iranian terrorists.

mrsteve said...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha!! Terrorists indeed. And people say I have my tinfoil hat on too tightly...

Apparently you have so many people in and out of your house now you can no longer keep an accurate count. Especially hot young women, it would seem.

And you do make me sound awfully portentous there. The whole geopolitical comparison to your stick dilemma was a joke, after all.

amberance said...

I should maybe make people sign in on a register at the door.

Pronto said...

You might want to try this.

- Hold the brush in one hand with the brush head facing down and toward your body
- Place your other palm on top of the battery compartment cover
- "Snap" it backward, away from you

Hope it helps. If not, throw it against the wall and buy a new one! (or use the twig)

Hot Heather said...

YEA!!! how could you forget about HOT YOUNG WOMEN (a.k.a. me) being in your house???

STEVE!!!! visit me at work.