Monday, August 01, 2005

The Height of Laziness

I have a few pieces for you all, but no time to write them today. It is busy season after all, as Mary, Timmy and Bia can attest. But in the interest of giving you at least SOMETHING to read, here is a post I wrote for my MySpace blog on Friday when I was in an exceptionally bad mood. As bonus material I will include the comment from it left by my new friend Kat, who is extremely funny and should have her own blog. I know moving material around from one place to another doesn't technically qualify as a "new" post, but try and work with me on this one, alright?

Friday, July 29, 2005

Shit that pisses me off

Current mood: aggravated

- People who say "nine-one-one" instead of "nine-eleven". 9-1-1 is a telephone number you call when your grandma mistakes your heroin for her insulin. 9/11 is the date of a horrible tragedy with massive civilian casualties. Get it straight. My boss just did this in a meeting - twice. If we were setting a meeting for that day, would he say "Are you available on September one one"? NO OF COURSE NOT. Because it makes no sense. STOP DOING THIS.

- My cat getting bizarre knots in her fur. WTF??? This just starts all of a sudden? How the hell is she doing this? And Fish even bought me a special shedder brush which I brush her with EVERY SINGLE DAY and yet somehow when I'm brushing her yesterday I still find a knot! Kristen Ann, this has to stop. Seriously. Are you doing this on purpose? Do you grab my brush when I leave for work and tease your fur like it's 1986? I can't figure out how you are managing this feat. But cut it out.

- The bartender's roommate has a swollen lymph node that they are removing on Tuesday and doing a biopsy to see if it's cancer. I assure you, it is. This will be the THIRD FUCKING TIME. Testicular cancer, followed by two brain tumors, radiation and chemo both times...and more fucking cancer. The kid is like 24 years old for fuck's sake. CAN WE CUT THIS POOR GUY A BREAK PLEASE? There is no one I can punch in the face to make me feel better about this. And I'm not even the one with the cancer.

-Ann Arbor, Michigan and all things contained therein. This should be pretty self-explanatory. Maize and blue are shitty colors and they can suck the shit out of my ass. Lloyd Carr is an asshat. Go Bucks. Scarlet and gray baby! Let's start the football already, I'm tired of waiting.

- Not having a garbage disposal. This is the single most important appliance in the house people. Scraping plates into the garbage a) sucks and b) means your garbage is going to stink when the food rots which means you have to take it out more often, which is another thing I hate doing. And also, when you have to clean the little trap out in the sink? Fucking grossenating. Who wants to stick their hands in that shit? It should be a law: all kitchens must be equipped with a garbage disposal. If landlords fail to provide said appliance, they shall be made to lick the trap in the sink every day until one is provided. Seriously, this is not the 50's. Not having a garbage disposal is like not having a flush toilet and having to use an outhouse. I can't live like this anymore.

Kat's comment:
haha, i like your cynicism. this is going to be a BEAUTIFUL friendship.
i just thought i'd add a couple things that i, myself, hate:

i hate that Mariah Carey still has a career, i hate when people call scissors "skizzors", i hate PEOPLE WHO TYPE EMAILS IN CAPS LIKE THEY DONT REALIZE THAT ITS REALLY INTERNET CODE FOR OBNOXIOUS, i hate dying (but not quite dead) bugs that walk away when you're trying to kill them, i hate when you walk into wal-mart to buy, like, toothpaste and walked out with $361.00 worth of stuff thinking "thank god i didn't buy the fishtank.", i hate pretentious middle initials, i hate MLA format, and i hate how i have to suddenly buy ALL my movies on vhs ALL OVER AGAIN because vhs is the new beta.

but thats just me, i hate everything.


Tara said...

but then there are the people who say nine-eleven when they mean nine-one-one.

Anonymous said...

MLA format needs to die a horrible screaming death. tell kat to imagine having to study it in school and get tested on it. not a pretty thing