me: there was another spider in my living room last night
H-Town: wtf, amber
burn your apt down
me: right? i might have to move
luckily it stayed where it was all night so the bartender could kill it when he got home
H-Town: a HUGE spider keeps building a web across our back lawn
I don't know how they do that
I walk into it every morning
and yesterday HE WAS ON IT
H-Town: OH GOD
thankfully he didn't get on me
but I did say, out loud, "Holy crap, you're a huge fucker!"
thankfully no neighbors were outside
me: you'd think he would get tired of you ruining his hard work every day and go somewhere else
H-Town: I know
that's what i was hoping
the huge ones on our front porch got the hint when i kept destroying their webs with a broom each day
only took two days, they figured it out
moved it off to the side
me: they should have a talk with him
H-Town: spider meeting
"come on, man, stop trying to catch humans. it won't work"
me: "it's really not worth the effort. you're better off hanging out over here with us. we have some great flies."
H-Town: "We're right by the front porch light - it's a freakin' buffet, man."
For those of you keeping track at home, that's EIGHT spiders in my house in two weeks. EIGHT OF THEM.
H-Town apologizes for not reading more (i.e. at all) this week. She has good excuses though. Wednesday was her birthday. She's going camping this weekend for some reason. And today is her 10th wedding anniversary. Please join me in congratulating H-Town and A-Town on 10 years of destroying the sanctity of straight marriages everywhere. Ladies, I love you both. Or, more creepily, I love you both, ladies.