An e-mail conversation that has taken away from any actual productive work at two different companies today:
Mary: Do you hate me?
Me: No, I hate me, asshat.
Mary: I knew you didn't like my hat!
Me: How do you know that doesn't mean I don't like your ass?
Mary: Well, I don't because I really don't understand the expression. It's a mystery to me.
Me: Asshat. Akin to fuck-knocker, dork-weed, meathead. Don’t you read my blog anymore?
Mary: Yes, but it doesn't all make sense. This would be an example of that.
Me: Just put two words together that normally don’t go together and spew it as an insult. Cuz it’s funny. You shitpencil.
Mary: Oh, I see, like boogerlamp.
Me: That made me laugh out loud for the first time in three days.
Mary: Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me try again: Urineshoe.
Mary: Well, that about tears it.
Me: I’m blogging this.
Mary: Walked right into that one.