I'm Alive I Swear!

Please accept my humble apologies for my extreme laziness in posting. I'll do better, I promise. Please don't leave me!!!

Actually, it isn't laziness as much as busyness; I get paid to handle other people's money, I do not get paid to blog. Someday when my fairy godmother shows up I will blog and sing for a living. Until that day, I do math.

Let me think now: I've not graced you with a Week Four or a Week Five post. I'll sum that up here. Week Four was nearly identical to Week Three. There was much arguing and crying and yelling between the bartender and me, and between the bartender and Vicodin Jim. By Week Five we had all reached an agreement: the bartender and I called a truce, agreed to stop attacking one another, and to stay out of each other's way as much as possible. We spoke last weekend in a friendly manner for the first time in weeks when he called to share with me stories of my brother's extreme drunkenness that evening. I am officially permitted to return to Tai's. (Shameless plug: the bartender says the new trendy shot is going to be Apple Bombs. Bacardi has just put out an apple flavored rum, which apparently is way yummy when mixed with Red Bull. Tai's is serving them now. You heard it here first folks.) The bartender and Jim have decided they hate each other, at least for now, and are not speaking at all. They have both agreed not to drag me into the middle of their beef anymore.

Speaking of Cap, he was on his way out the door the other day to grab a sandwich, and while crossing his front yard he nearly crashed head on into Keanu Reeves. Apparently, he is filming a movie, and some of it was filmed on Brandon's street. In response to my inquiry, I learned that he's "not really" tall.

Cap, Nash and Lizak also invented a new variation on the game of Bags. If you aren't from an area where people play Bags, basically what you do is set up two wooden boxes across from each other. Each one has a small round hole in the top. Then you stand across the yard with a bunch of beanbags and throw them at the opposite box. You get points for getting the bags in the hole, and I think maybe points for getting them to land on top of the box as well. It's all the rage. Anyway, Cap, Nash and Lizak came up with this extra step where you can get some extra points or something by throwing the beanbags back at your opponent (football center snapping the ball-style), who is the "goalie". If you get bags past him, you get more points or something (I wasn't really paying that much attention to the details, because I don't particularly care). So they were playing this the other day when I stopped by. Unfortunately, they were playing Bags (2) IN THE HOUSE like the overgrown children that they are, and managed to break a pane of glass in my brother's liquor cabinet. Hindsight being 20/20, Cap mused later, "I guess that's why you don't play Bags in the house." Hmm. Bocce anyone?

I decided to go on an adventure last weekend. I wanted to go to IKEA, but no one was around to go with me. So, like the thoughtless spastic I have become, I just jumped in the car with no directions, hopped on the Kennedy, and figured I'd run into it eventually. I did run into it eventually, and bought new stuff. I know it probably seems a little stupid, traipsing around the suburbs with no map and no guide, but I figured, the worst that could happen is I never find it and have to turn around and go home empty-handed, so I did it anyway. The bartender was very proud of my successful stupidity and Jim told me I was retarded. I got a new dresser, and managed to piss off my downstairs neighbors by losing all track of time while assembling it and hammering on my floor (their ceiling) at 12:30 AM. Oops.

My cousin Bryan joined the 21st century and got his very first cell phone this week as well. He called me the other night to tell me about it and catch up. In the middle of this conversation we got cut off. He called me back and sheepishly said, "Yeah. Um, I guess my call got....dropped? I think that's right, isn't it? I don't know all the terms yet." HI-larious.

I am sorry to report that no midgets (naked or otherwise) moved in next door.

So all in all, the last two weeks have been devoid of any large scale events, so you all haven't missed much by my poor posting habits. I plan for things to pick up this weekend. I am trying to entice Bia to get the heck out of Dodge and come up here for a day or so this weekend, so we can go out and tighten up together and party like the rockstars we know we are inside. So post some comments to her so she'll get over herself and come play with me, otherwise you're all stuck with my boring, infrequent posts.