This just in: There are spiders in the grapes. (WARNING: Picture of a spider in the article. I had to have BrownsFan read me the first two paragraphs.) Not just any spiders either. BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS, the quintessential ARACHNID OF EVIL. These are spiders that can actually harm or even kill you. Just look at them with their huge round ass presumably filled with poison, shaking their red hourglass at you and saying "This is how long you have to live!" They are hiding in your grapes people. Frequently:
"Some place in the U.S. almost every day of the year somebody finds a black widow in a package of California grapes," said Rod Crawford, curator of arachnids, Burke Museum.
I think we all know what kind of food I will no longer be purchasing, let alone washing.
And the woman in the article that wants to donate the black widow to a zoo? ARE YOU CRAZY? What are you going to do, stand there and calmly ask it to please crawl into your little cup so it can enjoy a life in captivity completely devoid of opportunities for evil doing? Yeah, that'll work. Put that monster in the freezer before it's too late!
5 comments:
the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the amberance pant leg, from the bag of grapes. Down came her dignity, and she screamed the spider out. Up comes MORE spiders from back behind the couch, and up the pant leg of amberance, goes the spider again.
Most disturbing comment ever, I think. Ever notice in the original song the spider never ever dies? This may be the source of my fear.
My wife and I just received a new tarantula in the mail today. We're up to 12 now. We were at 14, but 3 mysteriously died a while back.
speaking of spiders.....
http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/good_idea_man_submits_drawing.php
12?!? I thought there were 3! Are they friends? Do they curl up and sleep together like cats?
I'm never visiting your house. I may not even visit Texas.
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