Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Cookie Follies

It's that time of year again. The time that causes me much anxiety as well as the time that makes me both broke and fat. The little green demons are at it again. Yep, you guessed it: it's Girl Scout Cookie time.

It is clear to me that the Girl Scouts are secretly adding MSG or cocaine or some other highly addictive substance to their cookies, as evidenced by the fact that I can't stop eating them. Regular Bizzybiz readers will recall that I've encountered this problem before. When I mentioned my complete lack of self control in regards to Girl Scout cookies to MrSteve, he told me about a thing called drunkorexia, by which people (I'm assuming mostly the vagina kind) starve themselves in order that they can "afford" the calories in alcohol. He jokingly (I think) suggested I might adapt this unhealthy, malnourishing behavior to my Girl Scout cookie problem, ergo Cookierexia. I, of course, thought this was brilliant.

As it turned out I almost didn't have to. Last year, I discovered a website which listed the places and times Girl Scout cookies would be for sale in and around the city of Chicago. It's a great idea except for one small problem: Girl Scouts are apparently enormous fucking liars. On Saturday I wrote down four places near my home that the list claimed had my precious cookie treasure for sale and went to all of them to find ABSOLUTELY NO GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. I was heartbroken. The next day the agent and I tried again. I did find a little Scout sitting on the side walk outside of Trader Joe's, who told me the cookies she had available were: Trefoils and some shit lemony things (ok, she didn't say "shit lemony things" but honestly, ew). No Tagalongs, no Samoas, not even any Thin Mints. Just as I was about to throw myself off a cliff into the pit of despair, the agent found some Girl Scouts selling the appropriate cookies at a school near his office and I was saved.

My cookies will finally arrive tonight. I can't wait to get home and fix. I really and truly NEED the cookies now, as I'm pretty sure I'm now hypoglycemic from the cookierexia. It is obvious that they are now a nutritional necessity.


Tara said...

I'm not sure how I feel about G.S. cookies. I feel like.....boy scouts would never sell cookies to raise funds, right? So why are we telling these girls that this is ok?
Also, I am shocked, _shocked_, that you have no one in your office shilling them. It seems every father in my office is selling his daughters' cookies. (which again raises another issue, but, anyway.) Come to DC, I can't walk by a grocery store without being accosted by ten year olds trying to throw their high fructose corn syrup-laden goods on me.

amberance said...

My office is small, an no one has a daughter of girl scouting age, so I'm SOL on the office cookie action.

The Boy Scouts do schill, but trail mix and popcorn instead of cookies. However, in the same vain as the Girl Scout cookies, the trail mix and popcorn are unusually good and appear to have addictive properties. I don't want to accuse anyone of impropriety or anything, but I am rendered entirely devoid of self-control by all Scouting related food products. Just sayin'.