On The New Subtitle

Our new subtitle comes to us courtesy of the great and powerful Wizard of MrSteve. We'd been sitting at the bar discussing television shows I'd never seen or heard of (MrSteve: It was on in 1973. Me: So I wasn't born. MrSteve: And then there was McMillan and Wife, in 1971. Me: So, I was even less born.) I was drinking Captain and Coke; the far more sophisticated MrSteve was drinking scotch.

A word about scotch: it's fucking gross. I don't understand this alcohol at all. I've had this debate with MrSteve a number of times. They always go something like this:

Me: I don't know how you drink that stuff. Seriously.
MrSteve: Here, try it.
Me: (Tentative sip. Explosion of hatred from my tastebuds.) Gross. It tastes like paint thinner, Steve.
MrSteve: What? You're crazy. You don't taste the caramel? You don't taste the wood?
Me: I taste the turpentine.
MrSteve: You're crazy.


My conversation with MrSteve somehow went from shows from before I was born to giving scotch to an 8 year old (don't ask). And this, inexplicably, led to MrSteve grabbing a lighter and trying to light his scotch on fire. As I sat watching this, several problems with this operation came to mind, to wit:

• He could spill the scotch all over the bar.
• He could drop the (borrowed) lighter into the scotch and ruin it.
• He could actually light the scotch on fire and burn down the bar.*

With these things in mind I eyed MrSteve and told him gravely, "I have not had enough rum to approve of that particular maneuver." The wise MrSteve dropped his arson-laced experiment and instead suggested I use that comment on the blog.




*While relaying this story to the bartender the next morning, he pointed out that there probably wasn't enough alcohol in the scotch for it to actually catch fire, but that attempting to light it on fire "could ruin the taste of the scotch." I don't really see how you could ruin that flavor, but it's an interesting point.