Chicago: Week One

Ah, the Windy City. Mother Fucking Cold as a Witch's Tit City would be a more appropriate moniker, I think. Despite that, things are going well. Some highlights:

I found an AWESOME apartment, one which I was repeatedly told did not exist. It's a one bedroom in a two flat, and it's in Roscoe Village. For those of you I've lost (most of the Cleveland contingency, I would think) a two flat is a rowhouse with two apartments in it, basically a duplex. Much of this area consists of two flats and three flats. And almost all of those are two or three bedroom places. When Cap asked me what kind of a place i was looking for I said I wanted a one bedroom, and I wanted it in a house, like his. Oh, he laughed and laughed. So did all of his fraternity brothers, the bartender and his crew and a girl I made out with at Tai's. One bedrooms don't exist in two flats and three flats, they said. Hmm. Well. I found one. And not only that, but the kitchen and bathroom were both completely remodeled so everything is new AND I have a dishwasher AND a dining room big enough for my ginormous table. So raspberries to all of them.

I also had an interview this morning. The firm really seemed to like me, so I hope it pans out. It's an even smaller office than where I came from, only 6 people. In fact, I interviewed with every single person in the firm. I'd be the only Analyst/Support Consultant in the firm if I get it. We will wait and see.

Cap is thoroughly enjoying Alistair. For one thing his car no-go right now. But more importantly, as he puts it, "This thing corners like it's on rails! ON FUCKIN' RAILS!" I've been pretty much letting him do all the driving since he knows where he's going and I don't.

Speaking of not knowing where I'm going I had the chattiest cab driver EVER on Wednesday morning. The guy would not shut up. I didn't really mind, I played along, told him I just moved on Sunday, loved it here, yada yada yada, and was rewarded with a comprehensive list of, I think, everything there is to do in Chicago. Then he asked how I was getting around, so I told him I never have any idea where I am, unless I can see it from Tai's. He suggested that I learn the grid system, and then launched into a monologue about how great the grid system was and why don't other cities have this? I said, "Well, it helps if you've burned down the entire city and started from scratch."

I also attended two new bars on Tuesday night. Vicodin Jim was texting me like there was no monyana trying to get me to go out with him because he is depressed and needs someone to talk to. Yeah, alcohol is good for that. "IM AT THE MUTINY. U HAVE TO COME I NEED HUMAN COMPANY," he sent.

"I am tired, I want to go to bed, [the bartender] blew me off earlier and I don't even know where that bar is," I replied.

"WESTERN"

"Western? Western and what? I'm not from here remember?"

"WESTERN AND FULLERTON"

At this point, Cap, who was following the play by play, volunteered to drop me off. "on my way" I sent to Jim.

The Mutiny is a complete dive that looks extremely sketchy from the outside, but on the inside is a very nice bartender named Rhonda, who immediately liked me because I ordered her favorite drink. Also inside was a worn out looking stripper who was shooting pool with Jim and trying to distract him by flashing her tits and rubbing herself everytime he took a shot (Jim won). And my friend Karen, the aforementioned girl-I-made-out-with-at-Tai's. She was not feeling so hot, so Jim ordered her a Sprite so she wouldn't puke on us, and shortly thereafter the girl she was with took her home.

The Mutiny closes at 2, but here in Chicago, the party is just getting started at 2, so Jim and I hopped in a cab and headed over to the Under Bar, which is a late night bar that is filled with punks. Everyone was decked out in black, most had chains, interesting haircuts, 7 pounds of metal in their face and arms full of tattoos. Also everyone was very very nice, and were polite enough not to make fun of me, despite the fact that I looked like a complete asshole in my khakis and t-shirt with a cartoon chearleader on it. I told Jim that if I was going to hang out with him on any kind of regular basis, I was just going to have to own many more black shirts and pants. There are dozens and dozens of mirrors on the wall in this place. I pointed out to Jim that it was freaking me out. "You're freaked out by mirrors?" he asked.

"No, no, it's just that there's so many of them. Everywhere I look I see multiple copies of the same people and the people who are here just aren't attractive enough to warrant this many images, including us. I mean, look, I'm everywhere."

"But we're cute," Jim replied. I tried not to look anywhere but at Jim or the table. Way too many mirrors. I sent a text to the bartender, "Underbar? All I know is there's a lot of mirrors in here."

So. Witch Tit City has treated me well so far. We'll see how next week turns out.

Oh, by the way, my keychain vibrator? Showed it to Jim. He pretended to think it was wierd, but I think he was secretly digging it.