Monday, October 15, 2012

Apologies And Recommendations

I seem to be having something of a motivational problem at the moment. Partly this is due to the increasing obviousness that I am in the wrong country and partly because I seem to have come back to a crap ton of actual work to do whilst at work. Mostly, though, it's because I read books that I actually enjoyed when I was abroad, and then another one when I got home (I had been waiting for its publication for YEARS, or so it seemed) and, you guys, it is SO HARD to look at that third book sitting on my dresser, knowing the atrocities that await me, and have ANY DESIRE to actually pick it up and look at it. I promise you I will. And I also promise you I will write about those awesome bits of my trip that can actually be shared here. I'm just not sure when. I haven't forgotten you, I swear.

In case you are looking for something hilarious to read (which many of you have complained that you are), the book I just finished is brilliant. It is called This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude Don't Touch It, and if that sounds like an incredibly stupid book for me to be reading, don't worry. The book doesn't contain any actual spiders. Yes, I know that's what it says. Rule number one about David Wong: he lies. His name isn't even David Wong. This book is the sequel to his previous motherfucking amazing book John Dies at the End, which was originally published on his blog as a web series. Both books are the greatest mashup of horror/sci-fi and dick/fart jokes to have ever been penned.

I can also recommend the book Micro, which I absolutely inhaled on the flight home. It's the piece Michael Crichton was working on when he died, and was finished by Richard Preston. But be warned: Unlike This Book Is Full of Spiders, Micro actually has a spider in it. And a centipede. Also, you'll never look at ants the same way again. But it's good.

Speaking of spiders, last night one of them decided to zip line himself down from the ceiling in the bathroom just as I was about to wash me hands. He was two inches from my shoulder before I saw him. Luckily, the bartender knows a spider emergency based on the tone of my voice screams and he came in and rescued me pretty quickly, but we only have the one bathroom in our apartment and I have NO IDEA where I'm supposed to pee now.

Real posts from me are coming, I SWEAR TO XENU.

9 comments:

Jen said...

Hey, I'd do whatever I could to avoid reading those dreadful books too, I don't blame you at all. i mean, you're just reading something that has actual substance, I think I would cross a wobbly rope-bridge like the kind you see in action movies where the hero has to grab the heroine's hand RIGHT AT THE LAST MOMENT because it snaps and who is building all these really narrow rope bridges anyway?

...I went off on a slight tangent then.

Anyway, take you time, get some R&R from Ana fucking Steele :)

Webbo said...

Hurrah for This Book is Full of Spiders! I was concerned, as with all sequels, that it would not measure up to John Dies at the End. Any news about the film, at all? Obviously I could google it but....I don't want to.

Kay McK said...

I spray Ortho Home Defense Max around doors and windows every six months or so, and this seems to keep evil at bay. A spray around the air intake (while it's off) doesn't seem to go amiss either. Good luck with finding a renewed sense of drive to finish the atrocity. Book three just gets even better (or worse, depending on your outlook). Keep up the awesome!

Laura Mary said...

I feel so bad for you having to read 50 shades :-(
I stand by my earlier suggestion though - make it a drinking game!

(Maybe have stomach pumping facilities on standby though...)

Tor Hershman said...

)))(((((((
(·).....(·)
....U....
[_____]---{thankx fo spidy tip}

antoniya petkova said...

A drinking game for each time climbs in and out of things, she says 'oh my', refers to her inner goddess or how Grey's pants hang from his hips, he is cocking his head or he smells like shower gel, linen and Christian. You'd easily die from alcohol abuse.

Jen said...

I am considering doing something NOT QUITE as terrible as the arduous task of recapping 50 Shades of Grey, and since I've been posting here for a while now, I feel like I can say it here without being accused of trying to steal viewers or focus because COMEON! No one is going to not keep this blog on their topbar, I have it there so I can click everyday! Anyway, I was considering recapping The Valleys, which is apparently the worst reality TV everrrr.

http://luckbloodglitter.blogspot.co.uk/

It would mean the freaking world if someone could drop me a comment over what they thought. At the moment I feel like I'm screaming into the void!

I LOVE Amber and this blog. I can't wait for more updates!!!

Quvonda Bridgewater said...

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/spiders-are-scary-its-okay-to-be-afraid.html

If you haven't read this already, you will love it! Wanted to share

Anonymous said...

Xenu is angry.