Wednesday, July 18, 2012

FINALLY.

Coming soon - the reviews of Fifty Shades Darker. For real this time. The hold up was due to the post office. As some of my older readers will recall, this is not the first time I've had issues with the U.S. Postal Service. A couple of weeks ago I finally found a used copy of the book for H-Town, and since I have left you all for so long without any new swears, I went with expedited shipping to get it to her. Which I paid extra for. Expedited shipping from USPS is advertised as taking 2-6 business days. So I was not particularly amused when I got an e-mail on Sunday night from H-Town saying she still didn't have the book I'd had shipped to her a full week prior to that. I checked the shipping confirmation and found that the "expedited" package was estimate to arrive on the 19th. The book was shipping from Georgia to Baltimore - I could have WALKED to Baltimore from Georgia faster than that. Unhappily, I relayed this information to H-Town: "I did [ship the book], but apparently when I said 'expedited shipping', the post office decided that meant 'on a mule'. It's in New Jersey, and expected to get to you, not even kidding, THURSDAY. WTF." She took it in stride: "Express Mule, when you absolutely positively need it to be there at some point in the next few months or so." Luckily for everyone, USPS is just as bad at estimating things as they are at shipping them (or geography for that matter - New Jersey isn't on the way to Maryland if you're coming from Georgia) and the book finally got to her yesterday. We discussed logistics over e-mail this afternoon and have decided to schedule IM chats, although, per H-Town "It's just easier to email back and forth about the book. Until they invent some sort of "online" "chat" or something crazy futuristic like that. Eagerly awaiting the "ding!" on your next email on my 70tb supercomputer iPhone Audi." You guys are going to love her.

Anywhore, while the whole "oh wait, you wanted us to actually send this book somewhere?" crap was going on, I managed to once again be a guest on the world's most brilliant podcast, Total Talk Nonsense. I called in for Episode 256 and chatted with the boys for half an hour or so about getting drunk by soaking gummy bears in alcohol and eating them, clearing up an assumption Scott made about just who it was I met at the airport in naught but a raincoat, a letter H-Town mailed to my office about boobs (which also contained an excellent drawing of several dinosaur strippers), the new Spider-Man movie, the student show from a couple weeks ago where I took all my clothes off in front of strangers, marketing and Bizzybiz, why I'd be a fucking terrible wife, my upcoming UK trip (Hey UK readers! I'm coming back over to visit my friends in Hertfordshire in September! Who's down for a tweet up? I won't even make you come to Hitchin!), NATO and the Olympics, and why you should always be VERY SPECIFIC when leaving someone a voicemail about the results of a mammogram. I show up at about the 39th minute, which I tell you because the vast majority of my new readers don't listen to the show and may not be ready or willing to sit through 40 minutes of two guys drinking and talking shit (though I do absolutely recommend it).

I will get the first two chapters of Fifty Shades Darker read tomorrow morning so that the fun can begin. For you, obviously. H-Town and I will be fucking miserable.

13 comments:

Mrs Gold said...

I cannot wait. Trudged through the first book in the cause of "research". Cannot bring myself to read any more but secretly wondering what sort of god-awful turns the "plot" will take. Your blogs were so fricking funny. Good luck!

Throbbe said...

You know, EL James doesn't live THAT far from Hitchin, and I'm pretty sure I could lay my hands on a deer antler. Just saying, like.

Bryan Cobb said...

So, after I admitted on twitter that reading your first reviews has made me your worshiper, do I dare read these reviews?

How do I know these reviews wouldn't cause me to advance from eternal worship to offering eternal servitude or worse? :p lol

amberance said...

Bryan - Haha, well the only thing I really need is for someone to kill all the spiders that get in or near the house and/or comfort me when I have a panic attack because there was a spider near me, so I don't think it would be that bad really. Unless you are also insanely terrified of spiders.

Bryan Cobb said...

Well that doesn't sound so bad; I'm a capable spider killer. =)

Unless you're being sneaky and waiting until I agree to eternal servitude to show me the fine print. :p

amberance said...

Ok, FINE...I'm also going to make you tolerate a forest of Christmas trees and a shit ton of weird Christmas music for a full 40 days every winter. But even that is mostly just me going "LOOK AT ALL THE SHINY THINGS!" and you saying "Uh huh". Plus I make really good Christmas cookies, for serious. You won't have to do any real work - I string all the lights on the trees myself because I am insane and can't trust anyone else to do it right :) Oh and you also get to laugh at me while that is happening as I am allergic to the sap from the trees and so I do the lights dressed in basically a Hazmat suit. I am not making that up.

Bryan Cobb said...

I'm actually more tempted than I should be. Must....resist...lol.

Anonymous said...

About time! SO looking forward to this. And if you want to come further north in the UK, you ar welcome in my house anytime. 40 days is the MINIMUM time I have my Christmas decorations up for. Just saying. - Jo

Rebecca said...

Good luck. Having read all three books, (yeah I know), you have no idea of what fresh vision of hell awaits you. Happy reading.

Ezbe said...

Can't wait for you and H-Town to review the next two books. Gave up halfway through the first one, so I commend your bravery. Btw, if when you're in Hitchin (ha, used to live near there) you decide to round up a posse to hunt E L James down... consider me your first recruit.

amberance said...

Whereabout did you live, Ezbe? My friends are in Hitchin and Luton and I have family in St. Albans. I'm not allowed to go to Stevenage, though :)

Anonymous said...

I was thrilled to hear that I am not the only person who feels guilt when unable to finish a book. However this meant I had to endure the mind rape that was 50 shades. After reading 50, I ran to my worn out copy of A Tale of Two Cities (not a kindle mind you, but an actual book) and flipped it open and began to read aloud. Trying to desperately prove to myself that great writing did exist. I am so happy my friend shared the link to your blog. You are awesome.

Rick Z. said...

Okay, I cannot keep silent any longer. Is this all you do now is read these damn books and complain about them. Bizzybiz used to be about your exploits, not the exploits of Christian and Anastasia. How about this, just send me an email when I could expect the channel to "...return to our regularly scheduled program". Thank you and good day, Miss. ;~)