On the golf course, watching porn on Big Ron's iPhone
The bartender: Who is this? I thought this was going to be someone we knew.
Me: It is. It's me.
The bartender: No it's not because this girl has a hairy snatch.
Big Ron: How would you know?
Me: Everyone knows, Ron. Everyone knows.
Long pause. The porn gets louder and I can hear it from 15 feet away.
Me: That's the loudest iPhone I've ever heard.
Big Ron: Oh. Well then maybe it is you.