MrSteve called yesterday to complain about his early morning. I took the opportunity to make the conversation about me.
"I was at work at 4:30 this morning," he told me. "I can't work at that hour, I'm an idiot in the morning."
"As opposed to me, who is an idiot all day."
"You're not an idiot."
"I am too. I'm stupid about the bartender."
"You're not stupid."
"What part of my weirdness with the bartender leads you to believe I'm not an idiot?"
"That's not an idiot. An idiot is..." There was a long pause while MrSteve tried to define idiot in a way that didn't describe me. He failed. "An idiot is someone who thinks a situation is a certain way when really it's not."
"Exactly. And that doesn't apply to me and the bartender how?"
MrSteve sighed. "You're not an idiot. You're just...torn."
I like this and I plan to apply it to every stupid thing I do now. Spill something all over myself? "I'm not clumsy, I'm just torn." Irrational fear of bugs? "I'm not being irrational, I'm just torn." Lack of blog updating? "I'm not lazy, I'm just torn."