Thursday, August 14, 2014

There, I Fixed It: The 50 Shades Trailer

Look, my review of the Fifty Shades movie trailer was a bit lacking, I know that. It didn't have any of my usual vitriol or creative swearing and it did not, I think, express my feelings about the trailer or the existence of a movie at all as clearly as it should have. I just couldn't find the right words to illustrate my total non-excitement about this film.

But then I had an epiphany. While watching it for the dozenth time trying to think of something clever to say about it, I realized: I don't have to say anything! I can show you how I feel! By re-shooting the entire trailer (nearly) shot for shot. Directed by StereoNinja, my new improved trailer stars ME! as Christian Grey doing my best impression of of a wealthy, sullen asshat, and someone wholly more appropriate playing the role of the dull and vacuous Anastasia Steele than any actress they did or could have cast in the movie. If you look closely (and fast) you can even catch a glimpse of some Inner Goddess tokens from the party game some of us played together last year posing as pasties in the scenes where Christian is shirtless because I am a woman and have boobs.

If you haven't watched the original trailer yet, or haven't watched it in a few weeks and need a refresher, you're going to want to do that first. Or I guess you can two screen it and watch them both at the same time. However you want to do it, really -  I'm not omniscient. Either way, I hope you'll enjoy watching it as much as I, StereoNinja and the rest of the cast (presumably) enjoyed filming it for you.


So anyway, with no further preamble, here it is - the new Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer, which I have fixed:



8 comments:

Dan Bates said...

Very well done.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Amber -- I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time! And you're right about the song. I have no use for the rest of the movie, but I WANT that song. Now.

Thanks for the fun.

Jasmine said...

Well that was pretty disturbing. Great job!

Ven said...

Intense. I watched the original trailer before I watched your remake and I will say yours was a marked improvement. The look of hatred on your face when you pushed that butternut squash off the wall got me shitting my pants

Hannah said...

I probably shouldn't have watched this at work, I tend to get slightly strange looks for laughing that much...

The Bectastic said...

It's... Beautiful. Should have sent... a poet...

Browncoat said...

Brilliant hahaha! Your trailer made my day lol :-D

Kate said...

You know, if I didn't know what it was about, I would assume from the trailer that it was a sci-fi/horror film about a journalist investigating a rich businessman who turns out to be a megalomaniac mad scientist trying to create a 'utopia' where every woman is a vacuous blonde beauty. She manages to get him to show her his lab, only to be abducted and tortured because she knows too much and eventually turned into his new test subject. I don't know about you but I'd watch that.

Anyway, your own trailer is pretty funny. You manage to look horribly unlikable as Christian and I do like Ana being played by a potato, brilliant.