The bartender: You're going to bed already?
Me: I'm tired. Tell me a story.
The bartender: (sigh) Once there was a crackhead.
long pause as I wait for him to continue
Me: And then what?
The bartender: He died.
Me: That is the worst bedtime story in all of history.
The bartender: Fine. Once there was a spider.
Me: Ok, ok, I take it back!