I'm having a kid.
Don't panic, I'm not actually pregnant or anything. It's just that I decided last week that I'm having a kid sometime in the next four years or so, even if I have to go out and buy the sperm. Because kids rock.
I was walking home from work last week. As I was walking past a house on my street about a block up from mine, out popped the cutest kid ever. He was one of those super white kids. You know the kind, with the white blonde hair and pale skin and you just know they glow in the dark? He jumped out on the porch as I walked by his house. "Hi!" he said.
I assumed he was talking to the kids a couple houses down and not to me, because I was a stranger, but no. When I didn't answer him he tried again.
"HI!" he shouted.
"Hi!" I said.
"Do you like my NEW SHOES?"
Either he was never taught the lesson about not talking to strangers or else he just wasn't down with that, because the kid had no fear.
"I do like your shoes," I said. "They're very nice."
"WATCH ME!" he shouted with glee. "They make me go FAST!" and with that he took off running down the street to when the other kids were playing.
I was completely charmed right out of my shoes. Two seconds later I became very afraid for him, because what if I'd been a kidnapper or something?
And that was when I decided I wanted a kid just like him. Except that doesn't talk to strangers.