Thursday, November 26, 2015

Tonight There Is A Full Moon, Allegedly.

The thing about being an astronomy student in England is that you can't do any of your assignments because it NEVER STOPS RAINING. Seriously, I've had this observational assignment for the last two weeks and there has been maybe one night where I could see some stars through the wisps of clouds, but not the entire constellation I needed. I'm thinking of turning it in without the diagram or calculations, but including in my observational log that I couldn't complete the assignments because my local view conditions are I am in England and stars are only a rumor here.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Turkey Day

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow for most of you (it's Thanksgiving for me on Saturday because this is England and no one has the day off). Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

It Is The Future

YOU GUYS. Have you seen this? You need to watch this:

Monday, November 23, 2015

A Dress Too Far

Me: Ugh, I have to dress up on Friday.

StereoNinja: Why?

Me: Oh, our biggest client is coming in and apparently they want to sit with our department and see what we do, so we've been asked to look presentable.

StereoNinja: HAHAHA "presentable"?

Me: Yeah, [Captain Lego] told the guys to wear trousers and then he looked at me and said "I don't know what you're going to do. Do you have any nice jeans?" I was like "SHUT UP I have trousers!" I think I might wear a tie to make a point.

StereoNinja: You should throw everyone off and wear a nice dress...

Me (cutting him off): Whoa whoa whoa, let's not get fucking carried away.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

McDonald's - Not Made Of Lips And Assholes

I don't know if this is happening in the states, but McDonald's is running a series of television commercials (and maybe radio commercials - I don't know, I only listen to the BBC or podcasts like a proper nerd), which could very easily have the tagline "McDonald's - Not as gross as you think". They go like this: Hey did you hear that rumor about how our fries/chicken nuggets/hamburgers are grown by a mad scientist in a lab/made out of slime and boogers/dehydrated genetically modified turd juice? None of that is true! Our food is made out of food, like, real food, we swear. We can prove it: here's a picture of a guy in a field holding up a potato. See? Eat at McDonald's! Tell your friends!

McDonald's, this is probably not your best advertising idea. First of all, no one who is over the age of twelve and/or a paranoid conspiracy theorist who just knows your entire existence is just a government plot actually thinks chicken nuggets are made out of throbbing lumps of faceless, organless meat piles, no matter how much their eight year old nephew insists that's what he saw on his school field trip to an industrial chicken farm. That kid is a pathological liar, just like the rest of them. Second of all, people in general are gross and would continue to eat your swill even if they believed in such demonstrable nonsense. The problems I would like you to address in your advertising (if you insist, because I do genuinely think you'd be better off continuing to pretend that eating at McDonald's is how most happy marriages start or that spontaneous parties frequently break out there for no discernible reason) are these: Why do your hamburgers taste like burnt plastic, and how do you justify serving children a box of food for lunch that contains enough calories to last them two days? Yes, I know they have parents, but their parents might be morons, or just tired from having to haul their fat kid around all day. Besides which, "they failed worse" is rarely a winning argument. Seriously though, the problem is less that people think the way your food is made might be gross, and more that the taste of your food actually is fucking gross. Also? You're going to set off the conspiracy theorists who maybe haven't heard those rumors because if you're spending that much money to convince people those things aren't true, then they obviously are true and WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING?

Just, you know, think about it. And quit giving little kids diabetes.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Well This Sucks.

While doing the grocery shopping at my nearest Sainsbury's earlier, I was browsing the soups when StereoNinja took me romantically by the arm and led me over to the produce. When I asked what he was doing he said "Getting you away from the spider." I turned around and there was a massive spider on the floor right where I had been standing: he'd been coming right for me.

So anyway, now I can never go shopping in that Sainsbury's ever again.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Stay At Home Mehs

I've been home for the entire day and holy mouse balls I miss my job. Basil, my beautiful MINI Cooper, is not feeling very well in second and third gear and is essentially undrivable at speeds less than 40 mph which makes it a no-go for driving to work at rush hour. The garage can't look at it until Monday and trying to rent an automatic transmission car here is like trying to buy a winter coat in Bermuda - nearly impossible to find and prohibitively expensive when you do. I did finally get my hands on one for tomorrow that will not cost me more money than I would earn over the time I'll have it, but that was not at all helpful to me as far as getting to work today. I don't even know how I did this for months. I mean, sure, I had school work to do and everything (not to mention a car so I could actually leave the island if I wanted to) but Jesus Ka-rihst is it boring to be in your house alone all day long with nothing going on except folding laundry and internet research on visas. The most exciting thing of the day was watching my neighbor power wash the walkway around the marina (this seemed to me the most exciting thing in everyone's day here on Rich-old-people-with-nothing-to-do Island: two other neighbors came over to his place to watch him. Seriously.) I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow.