Allegedly, today is Valentine's Day. I know this because the bartender came in my room this morning and farted on me while yelling "Happy Valentine's Day!" I preferred the valentine I got from StereoNinja, mainly because he didn't get me one. "I was gonna send you an e-card," he told me, "but I fucking hate them so I didn't." Well played, my friend.
Anywhore, happy whatever, you guys. Call me in a month.
Showing posts with label Steak and BJ Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Steak and BJ Day. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Friday, March 14, 2008
Meat and More Meat
Today is the long awaited Steak and Blow Job Day. Treat your man to some filetio.
P.S. I am extremely pleased with myself for coming up with filetio. No one else I've checked with thinks this is even remotely funny.
P.S. I am extremely pleased with myself for coming up with filetio. No one else I've checked with thinks this is even remotely funny.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Only One Month Until SBJ Day!
"Why are you here?" seemed to be the $64,000 question at Tai's on Thursday night. Because it was Valentine's Day, see, and I have a boyfriend this year. I attempted to justify myself to MrSteve. "You know how much energy it takes for you to spend four hours with me?" I asked. "[The agent] just spent four entire days with me in Florida. He could use the break."
This seemed to appease him (he agreed that four hours in my company is draining indeed) but the truth is that this has nothing to do with it. The real reason is that I hate Valentine's Day and I fail to see why having a boyfriend should affect my overall opinion. OK, hate may be a strong word. It's just that I can't bring myself to believe that there should be one magic day on which your love must be declared in embarrassingly florid terms lest you sign yourself up for Certain Doom. If I fail to show my love an overwhelming majority of the time, I doubt some dead plants and a cardboard box filled with heart-shaped confections will be the magic relationship fixing elixir. (Except for chocolate covered strawberries from Malley's in Cleveland. Those can fix anything.) I find it more satisfying to celebrate the St. Valentine's Day Massacre because a) that's how Valentine's Day tends to make the lonely single people feel and b) that really was a pretty badass piece of trickery.
Having said that, I did dye the rice pink when the agent came over for dinner on Friday night.
This seemed to appease him (he agreed that four hours in my company is draining indeed) but the truth is that this has nothing to do with it. The real reason is that I hate Valentine's Day and I fail to see why having a boyfriend should affect my overall opinion. OK, hate may be a strong word. It's just that I can't bring myself to believe that there should be one magic day on which your love must be declared in embarrassingly florid terms lest you sign yourself up for Certain Doom. If I fail to show my love an overwhelming majority of the time, I doubt some dead plants and a cardboard box filled with heart-shaped confections will be the magic relationship fixing elixir. (Except for chocolate covered strawberries from Malley's in Cleveland. Those can fix anything.) I find it more satisfying to celebrate the St. Valentine's Day Massacre because a) that's how Valentine's Day tends to make the lonely single people feel and b) that really was a pretty badass piece of trickery.
Having said that, I did dye the rice pink when the agent came over for dinner on Friday night.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Monday, March 14, 2005
Happy Holidays
Today is Steak and Blow Job Day. I have no one to celebrate with. Phooey. I hope all my lovely gentleman readers do.
Today is also Pi Day. I celebrated this with Tim via e-mail this morning. We are the ubernerds.
I owe you all a Chicago: Week Three post, and I promise it's coming soon, but I was up til 4:45 am last night experiencing material to put in the Chicago: Week Three post and am running on an hour's sleep. I hit a wall about, oh, 40 minutes ago. I hit it hard, and it's going to leave a mark. I'm supposed to be drinking with Vicodin Jim for the 6th day in a row tonight, but I'm thinking a nap and an evening of beverages that don't contain alcohol is probably the more grown-up/healthy/non-inebretarded thing to do. Then again, a girl at a party I attended this weekend who had been living up the St. Pat's turn-the-river-green party all day came in and announced, "I puked twice today, but I rallied like a CHAMP and kept right on drinking!" so maybe I'm just being a wuss.
Today is also Pi Day. I celebrated this with Tim via e-mail this morning. We are the ubernerds.
I owe you all a Chicago: Week Three post, and I promise it's coming soon, but I was up til 4:45 am last night experiencing material to put in the Chicago: Week Three post and am running on an hour's sleep. I hit a wall about, oh, 40 minutes ago. I hit it hard, and it's going to leave a mark. I'm supposed to be drinking with Vicodin Jim for the 6th day in a row tonight, but I'm thinking a nap and an evening of beverages that don't contain alcohol is probably the more grown-up/healthy/non-inebretarded thing to do. Then again, a girl at a party I attended this weekend who had been living up the St. Pat's turn-the-river-green party all day came in and announced, "I puked twice today, but I rallied like a CHAMP and kept right on drinking!" so maybe I'm just being a wuss.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Reader Challenge!
My friends, your help is required. Cryptic over at Don't Feed The Monkeys and I are gearing up for a new holiday, Crab Legs and Cunnilingus Day, to be more colloquially known as CLC Day.
As we all know, having a quirky and memorable catch phrase is key to having your upstart oral-sex based holidays catch on in the mainstream. To that end, I've been brainstorming for something to use as a tag line. Something funny, perhaps a double entendre, a bit tongue-in-cheek, easily translatable to t-shirts, coffee mugs, greeting cards and bumper stickers. Here's what I've come up with:
Aaaaaannnnnd......Go!
As we all know, having a quirky and memorable catch phrase is key to having your upstart oral-sex based holidays catch on in the mainstream. To that end, I've been brainstorming for something to use as a tag line. Something funny, perhaps a double entendre, a bit tongue-in-cheek, easily translatable to t-shirts, coffee mugs, greeting cards and bumper stickers. Here's what I've come up with:
- CLC Day - Open wide.
- CLC Day - Not quite finger food.
- CLC Day - Eat your heart out.
- CLC Day - Eat and be eaten.
Aaaaaannnnnd......Go!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Happy CLC Day!
Valentine, Schmalentine.
I am SO not into this Valentine's Day crap this year. Unless you're talking about Chicago-style, in which case I'm all in. Not that I've shot all, or even any of my rivals today, I'm just all about anything Chicago related. Also Capone and my last name come from the same root word: "Caput" in the Latin, or "Capo" in Italian, meaning "large or unusual head". So don't fuck with me or my giant melon will have you taken out.
It's been suggested to me that the reason I'm down on the hearts and flowers thing right now is that I don't have a Valentine this year. To this I say, "phooey". I'm not really into this even when I do. I'm incapable of taking care of flowers, cut or otherwise, I'm not a chocolate fiend, I refuse to eat anything that tastes like chalk, I rarely wear jewelry and I hate the color pink. I don't want anyone else in the bathtub with me, painting my toenails (or otherwise touching my feet) or buying my underwear. Please don't write me poetry if you have trouble stringing together a complete sentence on a normal day, and never EVER try to cook me something if you consider a jar of Ragu and a bag of meatballs you found in the frozen section of your local Jewel to be "homemade".
A far more enjoyable holiday for me is chronicled over at Cryptic's blog. I remember hearing about this last year and thinking it was the greatest idea ever. Apparently, some guy got sick of having to go out and buy his girlfriend stupid crap for Valentine's Day, and in retaliation he invented what he felt was a reciprocal holiday. Except that for gals like me, it's not. Because I think Valentine's Day is total ass.
I'd like to take this opportunity to suggest a potential alternative celebration of love for February 14th - Crab Legs and Cunnilingus Day. I just think this would be much better. Because if you're anything like me (and if you're reading this, I suspect you probably are), you know that candy and flowers will never say "I love you" with the same fervor as expensive food and oral sex. Additionally, it makes for a much better parallel with SBJ Day. Who's in?
I am SO not into this Valentine's Day crap this year. Unless you're talking about Chicago-style, in which case I'm all in. Not that I've shot all, or even any of my rivals today, I'm just all about anything Chicago related. Also Capone and my last name come from the same root word: "Caput" in the Latin, or "Capo" in Italian, meaning "large or unusual head". So don't fuck with me or my giant melon will have you taken out.
It's been suggested to me that the reason I'm down on the hearts and flowers thing right now is that I don't have a Valentine this year. To this I say, "phooey". I'm not really into this even when I do. I'm incapable of taking care of flowers, cut or otherwise, I'm not a chocolate fiend, I refuse to eat anything that tastes like chalk, I rarely wear jewelry and I hate the color pink. I don't want anyone else in the bathtub with me, painting my toenails (or otherwise touching my feet) or buying my underwear. Please don't write me poetry if you have trouble stringing together a complete sentence on a normal day, and never EVER try to cook me something if you consider a jar of Ragu and a bag of meatballs you found in the frozen section of your local Jewel to be "homemade".
A far more enjoyable holiday for me is chronicled over at Cryptic's blog. I remember hearing about this last year and thinking it was the greatest idea ever. Apparently, some guy got sick of having to go out and buy his girlfriend stupid crap for Valentine's Day, and in retaliation he invented what he felt was a reciprocal holiday. Except that for gals like me, it's not. Because I think Valentine's Day is total ass.
I'd like to take this opportunity to suggest a potential alternative celebration of love for February 14th - Crab Legs and Cunnilingus Day. I just think this would be much better. Because if you're anything like me (and if you're reading this, I suspect you probably are), you know that candy and flowers will never say "I love you" with the same fervor as expensive food and oral sex. Additionally, it makes for a much better parallel with SBJ Day. Who's in?
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