Oh Hi, Internets. I Sure Do Miss You.

Let me tell you about moving to another country:

Take the amount of time you are estimating it will take you to get everything you own organized, packed, sold or given away and all of the paperwork done and everything else that needs sorting out, and multiply how long you think that's going to take you by 30. Then, a month later, look back at your revised estimate and laugh at how naive you were to think it would actually be that simple.

I started writing the above paragraph two days ago. I read it aloud to StereoNinja and he laughed when he was supposed to. Then, today, my visa came in the mail, at which point I started looking at flights and found one weird random flight that is EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS CHEAPER than any other flight, so I booked it because EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS CHEAPER YOU GUYS. The only flaw in this plan? This flight is 8 days before the day I had planned to leave. So basically, all the freaking out I was doing about how am I going to get all this stuff done OMGWTFBBQ I have just deliberately multiplied by 1000 BECAUSE I AM A CRAZY PERSON.

When I made the decision to move I deliberately did not think about it. I just made a decision and started working on how to get it done because if I had given it the kind of consideration one would normally give a decision of that magnitude I would have found 1000 stupid reasons why I shouldn't do it.But between getting the visa and booking a flight that leaves ridiculously soon, reality hit me earlier this evening like a bad simile for something very heavy. Because seriously, I am moving to a place where nothing is open on Sunday and where bleating lambs wake me up in the morning, and I have no job, and I'm going to school for the first time in 15 years for something that is a complete departure from my former career, and I have to learn how to drive on twisty, narrow streets because there are no straight roads in the whole country and it is 4000 miles away from Chicago, and oh yeah, did I mention that my new house has SPIDERS EVERYWHERE?

Our new house is on an island in the Thames and there are so many spiders in the house oh my god. StereoNinja is hilarious in that he thinks that all the spiders are there because the house sat empty for a year before he moved in, which I'm sure hasn't helped, but the real reason there are spiders everywhere is because we are surrounded by water, and therefore bugs, and therefore if you are a spider it is Thanksgiving EVERY DAY at my house. StereoNinja has bought me multiple cans of Raid for each floor in our house and I have been instructed to spray them with it and then leave the dead bodies there until StereoNinja gets home, which actually works ok except that I sprayed one who was on the ceiling and he fell and sort of floated to the floor which meant he could have GOTTEN ON ME so now I don't want to spray the ceiling ones. Which if they behave like the spiders in this country is where I most often find them. I'm trying to talk him into bug bombing the house before I get there. Failing that I am just going to have to hope that the accidental forced exposure therapy will serve to make me less of a crazy person.

And that's why I haven't told you yet about that thing I did where I took all my clothes off on stage.