Name That Stripper

So, one of the things that is going on in my life right now, which has recently been FILLED with things that have lead to my genuinely not having time to read and/or blog, is that I have made it into the advanced burlesque or "show" class and am preparing for my debut performance as a solo burlesque dancer at the end of June (something I am starting to think of as a marketable job skill given the advice I've received from all my UK peeps on the availability of actual jobs). There's a lot more that goes into this class than just showing up and shaking your ass around. For example there's developing a critical eye for performance (an ongoing homework assignment that basically involves watching ALL of the things), learning how to choreograph something that is not just standing there taking off your clothes whilst otherwise being exceptionally boring (something I am starting to notice a remarkable amount of now that I've developed a critical eye for performance by watching ALL the things), and, perhaps most importantly, deciding who you plan to be as a burlesque dancer (what your style is going to be, who is your character, how do you interact with the audience, etc.)

Part of that last thing is literal: our very first assignment in class was to start thinking about what our name was going to be. This is actually way harder than it seems because there's a lot more to think about than is immediately apparent. Your stage name should be all of the following things:

• Reflective of the character you want to be. The very first thing the audience knows about you is your name, and it will determine what they expect to see.
• Not easily misconstrued. Michelle told us a story in class that I am not allowed to repeat here, but suffice it to say, don't pick a word that can be pronounced in several ways, especially if one of those ways is unflattering.
• Per Michelle, not something tired and overdone that practically every other burlesque dancer or stripper has done to death, i.e. anything using kitty or another variation of "cat", anything that starts with "Miss" (Miss Anthrope, Miss Demeanor - these are both actual names people are using. Seriously.), anything with "Von" or "Vaughn" in it, anything using the word cherry.
• Not already being used by someone else, or too similar to something being used by someone else. Either they will get VERY angry with you or you will constantly be mistaken for a porn star.

In the case of our particular class, there is a further criteria in that Michelle has to not hate it. The name I had fallen in love with YEARS ago, Poppy Coxx, has two major problems. One is that, in between googling it when I thought of it and googling it again just to double check, someone else decided to start going by Poppy Cox and is touring around the country doing a show about "bicycle porn". The other is that in hesitating about how to alter it in a way that Michelle wouldn't instantly veto (Poppy Cok? Poppy Coq?), I waited too long and now another girl in my class has chosen a name that starts with Poppy, and it would be kind of ridiculous to have two performers named Poppy. Since finding that part out about a week ago, I have been brainstorming names with StereoNinja and BrownsFan, and we've collectively come up with, well, basically nothing. Every good idea we've had (Boobie Fett!) is already taken. "The problem," I said to BrownsFan, "is that lots of other people are clever."

And then I remembered something important. I HAVE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE READING MY BLOG EVERY DAY AND THEY ARE ALSO CLEVER! So, with that in mind, I'm putting it to you guys: what should my stage name be? The best thing we've come up with so far is Bloomy Madd. It's ok, and you should definitely let me know if you like it, but I think you guys can beat that. What say you?

(StereoNinja adds that we'll give a free t-shirt to the person to comes up with the best name, however, that will probably seem like much more of an incentive when we actually design some t-shirts.)